Life begins at 40. This is the basis of my abortion platform. 

I would have quit smoking, but quitters never win. 

War with Iraq is wrong. We should be fighting Canada for allowing 
William Shattner and Celine Dion to infiltrate our country. 

I do not have a position on capital punishment.  Oh well.

I am for gay marriage. Married people have less sex than single 
people. That will teach them. 

The current tax code is too difficult. My tax code would involve all 
Americans sending in 100% of their income and having a mega party at
 Pacific Beach for all Americans. 

My "Just say, 'OK, but Just This Once'." drug policy satisfies the 
curiosity people often have with drugs, yet offers an out before 
they get addicted. 

Whoever crosses the finish line first wins.  Everybody else loses.  
This is my view on race relations.

"War on Poverty" can be solved by giving poor people $30/month and 
sending them to Africa once a month for food shopping.  A family of 
four in Africa can eat for $.70/day.  They would still have $8.30 for beer.

I would immediately cease all wiretapping operations. Video 
surveillance cameras would only be permitted on the hottest women. 

Women have the fundamental right to use the utensils of their choice
 when cooking my dinner. Nobody shall infringe on a woman's right to
 use the vacuum cleaner of her choice when cleaning my house. 

I would observe Vanna White's birthday as a national holiday, and 
not just because I am a Vanna White supremacist. 

I would repeal all laws that protect stupid people. Lord knows 
they're not an endangered species. 

Seniors should be allowed to eat healthier than Social Security 
allows. My plan for them would allow them to buy premium dog food 
at generic dog food prices. 

I am for the separation of Church and State. If clergy were to 
become state employees, that would be yet another union that AFSCME 
would represent and soak taxpayers by demanding high wages. 

My position on global warming after spending time studying it is 
that it is warmer in the summer than in the winter. Global Warming 
and any possible nuclear holocaust can be eliminated in one easy 
step. Aim all our nukes at the sun and fire away! 

I would abolish gun laws. I would also ban bullets. 

Fundamentals in education is sorely lacking. I would prepare 
children for the adult world by teaching them how to talk their way 
out of speeding tickets and how to pass an employment drug screening. 

If you have any questions feel free to e-mail me. 
ahmnodtheare@politician.com

Check out my blog at http://ahmnodtheare.wordpress.com