Fueling Finances With Fears Over Flatulence :: U4Prez, Social Networking For Politics

I never thought I would hear a Congressman come before a national audience and talk about cow farts but Republican Representative James Sensenbrenner of Wisconsin has been compelled to come out do just that to oppose proposed federal regulations on the issue of farts.

Our nation’s government has literally come to that point.

With a federal mentality that seeks to tax everything from the birth of your child to the amount of money that you leave behind in death, the federal government through the auspices of the Environmental Protection Agency is now considering a tax on cow and pig farts.

The liberal point behind this tariff is to control the release of methane gas which alters atmospheric temperatures by keeping the atmosphere warmer.

As the largest producer of methane, livestock are being targeted by the EPA as they explore and propose the imposition of a $175 a year tax on every head of dairy cattle, $80.00 a head on beef cattle and $20 per head on pigs.

Penalizing pigs and cows for tax evasion if they don’t pay their way might be a difficult task so in its infinite wisdom the government would charge these taxes to their owners. Now if Porky is your pet pig, twenty bucks may not seem like a lot, but if you are a pig farmer you have a lot more than one pig in your possession. Many pigs farms number 4500 or more pigs at a time. Now charge them $20.00 a head for participating in the industry and you have one hefty new price tag that they must pass on to consumers. Many of these farmers will not be able to compete and many will ultimately shut down forcing the price of pork up even more.

Take a state like Illinois. From Henry on the north to Pike on the south there were approximately 7,500 hog farms feeding Americans. And that is just Illinois. What about the other 49 states? This new tax will not only take back the stimulus money provided to pig farmers in President Obama’ stimulus package, it will take all the profits out of their business altogether.

But its not just pigs. The same applies to cows.

Now, I am not so callous that I suggest we not give a damn about our environment. I have no problem with throwing the right garbage in the right recycling bin but to suggest that greenhouse gas emissions must be regulated to the point of taxing farts is the ultimate in environmental extremism.

And what exactly will all the proceeds from this new tax do for curtailing greenhouse emissions? Unless it is meant to kill the cattle, milk and pork industries, I do not see what the EPA will invest this money into in order to save the environment from profuse farting. Do they intend to purchase butt plugs for pigs and cows? Congressman Sensenbrenner suggests that maybe they intend to invent a catalytic converter to strap on to Elsie the Cow?

I also can’t help but wonder how far this can go.

We all know that when the government creates a tax they never repeal it and they often increase and expand it. So how far will they go if this fart tax passes? Will it not be expanded to human beings? I know a lot of people on U4prez who are filled with a lot more than hot air and a per fart price tag on them alone would reduce the deficit by millions. So how much money do you think the federal government can make by taxing all humans for their own gassy anal emissions?

So I propose that we get a jump on the federal government.

From now on, whenever you pass gas, drop a dollar into a piggy fart bank. Start saving up now for the inevitable and get used to the federal government’s newest war………..the war on farts.

Comments

P.S., MM, this shit didn't start with the Obama administration.

Fart update! In fact, there is zero chance of the EPA ever taxxing livestock farts. There isn't a congressman out there that would do that. However, the EPA did come up with a plan to tax farts just as Kempite has so eloquently described. As near as I can tell, it was something they simply had to do to justify millions of dollars and years spent studying and ANALyzing cow farts. The only way for things like this to get the attention they deserve is for us to be aware of it. I doubt any of us would be aware of half the crap the government wastes money on if it weren't for the internet. Thank you, Al Gore, for the internet.

I wrote a caucus about this last year when militant enviros....(granola eatin vegetarians)first started this shit. I agree Kemp, our new dictatorship is getting just a bit insane. The next step would be to install a scale in your septic tank and charge you by the volume of shit's that you take.

As you all well know, Wisconsin is a dairy state. Many cows equals much flatulence. Methane gas is the number one cause of climate change in Wisconsin behind only mother nature herself. Pigs also produce much methane gas due to all of the unclean slop the eat. They even roll in thier own feces. They are dirty, unclean animals. But of course only Muslims see them that way. Next I will propose that we tax personal human flatulence. We all have to make some sacrifices to help our environmental crisis. I of course am exempt because as we all know, my shit doesn't stink. - Thank you.

If this tax passes, I will initiate my class action lawsuit against the United States government which is the largest producer of 'greenhouse gasses' in the country due to is numerous volcanic and heat vent national parks that spew vast amounts of 'greenhouse gasses' into the environment completely unmitigated by scrubbers or other techniques. Their emissions outweigh all the 'greenhouse gasses' produced by the entire U.S. economy and yet the government callously does nothing to stop them while penalizing various businesses for far, far smaller emissions.

AS PALIN PLAINLY SAID- "WE TOLD YOU SO"

Sad state of affairs for our nation to be in.

I've read about this tax and I would suggest congress put a cork in it. It ain't gonna happen. No way, no how. There must be some way to harvest those farts , though, because methane burns quite well in furnaces and such. Try this, next time you have to fart, lift your legs up in tha iar and light a lighter under your ass. Do it in a dark place becaue you will see the beautiful blue flame. You will then be a member of the blue-flamer club. But don't do it in the Holiday Inn bar when you are drunk, because the next day some people who might have been in the bar that night may come up to you the next day and remind you of it, and it's not that funny when you aren't drunk.

I have been doing my part to reduce the cow and pig population. Burgers and bacon. I should get a tax credit.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Fueling Finances With Fears Over Flatulence

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