For those of you who are new to the site, my name is Ahmnodt Heare. I ran for President of the United States in 2008 and I am running in 2012. (Unless Barack Obama calls for early elections, in which case I am running for that time. If he decides to call off the elections in 2012, I shall name myself as acting President until we have elections again.)
Erock, LuckyNum1, and Brinmat are all gentlemen. Some of you may disagree with that statement. If you disagree, then show your support for a write-in candidate and write in YourFuture. Write a comment in this blog saying that you will support YourFuture and I will make sure it is counted. Let your voice be heard! (unless nobody wants to hear it.)
The United States have historically fought wars for peace. It must be working because we have been doing it for years. It is in this spirit that I believe we should promote abstinence through orgies.
Abstinence is important because those who abstain from sex are less likely to get pregnant, transmit sexually transmitted diseases, and wake up next to a person they do not know. Those who abstain from sex are also more likely to watch the news and be informed on the issues, including the “war for peace” approach.
I hope to have a list of places that will participate in the “Orgies for Abstinence” next week. If you support abstinence, then feel free to participate at an orgy near you.
While many people (especially those in the CineMafia) are bashing Kanye West, I am applauding his actions. It may seem unpopular that he interrupted Taylor Swift’s speech, but he even said it wasn’t about diminishing Taylor Swift’s talents. It was about that Beyonce was dissed by the CineMafia even though she made the better video.
This isn’t the first time the CineMafia has given awards to people who weren’t the best in their field. Are we supposed to believe that there was a two year stretch that the “best actor” in movies was a guy who was best known for dressing in drag in an ill-fated sit-com in the 1980s? Are we supposed to believe that Tom Hanks was a better actor than Samuel L. Jackson? Than Jim Carrey? Than Ron Jeremy?
I would like to thank Kanye West for exposing the fraud that has become awards shows. He is a true American Hero.
I had it for a while last year just before the Republican and Democratic Parties’ conventions. It was the height of my 2008 campaign. There was a blogger saying negative things about me and my campaign.
Neither Obama’s nor McCain’s campaign were talked about much until people started saying negative things about them. Negative coverage brings positive counter-coverage and vice versa. Next thing you know, everybody was talking about McCain and Obama. My coverage was almost all good, but most of the news from my campaign came from this blog. Few people read the one negative blog entry and now the blog no longer exists.
If you are a blogger, feel free to say something negative about me, my campaign, or my platform in your blog. If you have the time and energy, you could even dedicate an entire blog dedicated to making sure I am defeated in 2012. Something like ahmnodthearesucks.wordpress.com would be a good start.
My mother keeps trying to call Glenn Beck’s radio show to tell him what a crackpot I am, but she can never get through. She doesn’t like my plan for senior citizens. She says President Obama has a good plan for seniors, but I haven’t heard it. The only good thing he has done for senior citizens is hiring one to be vice-president.
I look forward to reading about all the bad things about me.
Independent candidate for President Ahmnodt Heare will give his unique perspective into the the direction of the United States. He will also take phone calls from concerned Americans
Over the next couple weeks, I will take issues from my platform and further explain my positions. Today, I will discuss my views on gay marriage.
"I am for gay marriage. Married people have less sex than single people. That will teach them."
It is important to note that the quote above is a hypothesis. I have no way of telling how much sex married people have since I quit peeping on my neighbors in 2003. But what I noticed from my studies is that the frequency and the quality of sex my neighbors had diminished significantly within 3 months after being married.
Gay people are not that much different than straight people. The difference is that with gay people, boys like boys and girls like girls. But I am pretty sure that if gays were to marry, that the same thing would happen to them with sex. It’s like Chocolate Pop-Tarts. The first time you had one, the only thing you can think about is having another Chocolate Pop-Tart. But after having Chocolate Pop-Tarts day in and day out, you want something different.
Gays should be allowed to marry. They should be relieved to know that I have no interest in watching.
I am heading to my parents’ home in Washington, DC this weekend. I bought my mother tickets for tonight’s playoff game between the Capitals and the Penguins. She hates hockey, but I had to get her something for Mother’s Day. I got ripped off buying the tickets online and was unable to buy my mother flowers and a case of Jim Beam like I get her every Mother’s Day.
I will make my mother dinner tomorrow. She always has a bunch of Hungry-Man dinners I can microwave for her. I also learned how to make garlic toast. I found out the hard way it’s now pouring garlic salt in the toaster while the bread is toasting.
Grandma Oudda will also be there for the weekend. At least she likes hockey. I think she is a Penguins fan, at least the way she mentions that she wouldn’t mind being called for “holding Sidney Crosby’s stick.” She can be naughty at times.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms from the Ahmnodt Heare for President campaign!
While the entire world has been focused on the Swine Flu, a new pandemic condition has surfaced around the world. As of the last time data was gathered, over 20,000,000 million Americans were affected with some form of Simple Chronic Halitosis (SCH). Like the Swine Flu, there are measures one can take to prevent the spread of Simple Chronic Halitosis.
* Avoid spicy foods and condiments - Avoid anything with onions, garlic, or peppers. Do not drink coffee. Do not add ketchup or mustard to food. These accelerate the bacteria that cause SCH. * Do eat minty foods - Foods like Mint flavored ice cream will help kill off SCH bacteria. * Use mouthwash and brush your teeth and tongue - Proper oral hygiene is essential in preventing SCH and minimizing its effects if it does attack.
These few simple steps will go a long way in stopping ths spread of Simple Chronic Halitosis.
The Department of Homeland Security’s Director Janet Napolitano suggested that Canada was partially to blame for allowing terrorists to enter the United States and causing the September 11 attacks. Whether this is true or not is irrelevant. It wasn’t like the terrorists had signs that said, “Hi, my name is Mohammed Atta and I am a terrorist.” The terrorists were in the United States for a while and we didn’t know they were terrorists until it was too late.
What we should blame Canada for doing is deteriorating American entertainment. They not only knew the limited “talents” of William Shattner and Celine Dion, but they trained them in their mission to sabotage American entertainment. Janet Napolitano has to quit worrying about an incident eight years ago and go after William Shattner, who has been systematically destroying the quality of American entertainment for over 40 years. Until this situation is taken care of, Americans will not take the Department of Homeland Security seriously.
Tonight I will be hosting an April 15 Long Island Iced tea party on BlogTalk Radio. I realize there will be many people who will be unable to attend a tea party due to work or other commitments. It will be a 90-minute show with information to reach the members of Congress and the Senate who are most involved with the budget and taxes. I will also play my keyboard to keep the party going.
The show starts at 10PM Eastern / 9 Central/ 8 Mountain/ 7 Pacific. Call-in number: (347) 945-7487
I have decided to host an April 15 tea party on BlogTalk Radio. I realize there will be many people who will be unable to attend a tea party due to work or other commitments. It will be a 90-minute show with information to reach the members of Congress and the Senate who are most involved with the budget and taxes. I will also play my keyboard to keep the party going.
The show starts at 10PM Eastern / 9 Central/ 8 Mountain/ 7 Pacific. Call-in number: (347) 945-7487
I just received this e-mail from J. Paul Getty’s estate. Did I ever hit the jackpot!
From: Barr.C.Russell Reply-To: barr.charlserussell@yahoo.com.hk Subject: MY THIRD AND FINAL EMAIL REGARDING GETTY’S WILL Date: Sat, 11 JApr 2009 15:35:26 -0500 (EST) (10:35 EST)
Charlse Russell LLP London Office St James’s (London) 8 - 10 New Fetter Lane, London, EC4A 1RS, United Kingdom.
On behalf of the Trustees and Executors of the late British Philanthropist, Sir John Paul Getty Jr., I once again try to notify you as our email to you was returned as a failure delivery (undelivered), hence I hereby attempt to reach you via your e-mail address.
I wish to notify you that the late Sir J. Paul Getty Jr. made you one of the beneficiaries to his (WILL), he bequeathed the sum of Nine Million Seven Hundred and Eight Thousand Six Hundred and Ninety Two Great British Pounds Sterlings Only (GBP£9,708,692.7) to you in the codicil and last testament to his (WILL) which is eleven (11%) of his total funds of GBP£88,260,443.00 (Eighty Eight Million Two Hundred and Sixty Thousand Four Hundred and Forty Three Great British Pounds Sterling deposited with one of UK’s biggest financial institution.
This may sound very strange and unbelievable to you, but it is real and true. Being a widely popular traveled man, he must have been in contact with you in the past or simply you were nominated to him by one of his numerous friends here or abroad who wished you well. Sir J. Paul Getty Jr., the reclusive American-born philanthropist was the third son of the first American oil billionaire, billionaire American oilman Jean, Paul Getty.
According to him this money is to support religious and humanitarian activities and to help the poor and the needy in our society. Please if I reach you as I am hopeful, endeavor to get back to me as soon as possible to enable me conclude my job. I hope to hear from you in no distant time.
Get back to me via my persoanl email : barr.charlserussell@yahoo.com.hk
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Happy New Year.
Yours in services, Barr. Charlse Russell Charles Russell LLP
Partners: Barr. Simon Gilbert, Barr. John Walters, Barr. Susan McDonalds and Barr. Catherine Wright
Attorney at Law Slaughter and May
I just did the math and the GBP£9,708,692.70 turns out to be $14,230,507.66. This is more than enough to fund my campaign. And as a token of my appreciation, I will pay for the good people at Charles Russell LLP to get their own domain name for their e-mail. “barr.charlserussell@yahoo.com.hk” doesn’t look very professional. Barr could have an e-mail barr.charlserussell@charlesrussellllc.com.hk I will pay for the setup of their e-mail system as soon as I get the money from the estate.
The lack of a professional e-mail address might be hurting my campaign. People think it’s not a real address, but ahmnodtheare@politician.com is a real e-mail address. If this letter from J. Paul Getty’s estate doesn’t prove that my e-mail address is real, I don’t know what will prove it.
In the past, I had pointed out ways that President Obama had stolen my campaign ideas and strategy. I have decided to return the favor. It seems that Obama stole his, “Yes we can” line from Bob the Builder. I have decided to return the favor. I will not use the “Yes we can” line because I am not so sure we can. We haven’t yet.
I will greet people I meet campaigning with “What’s up, Doc.” While Bob the Builder is popular with children, many Americans grew up watching Bugs Bunny. Bugs also eats carrots, which would be good once I incorporate carrots into my health care plan.
When I speak to a group of lawyers, I could break out my Butthead quotebook and say, “You said, ‘Penal… huh-uh-huh…huh-uh-huh’.” Lawyers and Butthead go great together (no offense, Beavis.)
I have been trying to look for a book called, “Mime over Matter: Marcel Marceau’s Book of Quotes.” The book is not available near me. I am sure Marceau had plenty to say before his untimely passing.
I’ll probably spend most of the day hanging out at the street corner with Dave the homeless guy. The economy has hit him hard. People aren’t throwing change at his face as much as they did when the recession started. I am going to help him look for a job.
AntiFederalistJackie and Friday are facing each other in tomorrow's runoff. People usually vote for one or the other in runoffs. Writing in my name in Tuesday's runoff will offer a rare third option.
You might be wondering what I bring to the table. If I am elected, I'll cut taxes more than them and I will spend more. I will be a hyper version of George W. Bush. I will bring world peace by spending 55% of the GDP on the military. I will have universal health care for everybody by spending 55% of the GDP on health care.
As demonstrated by the paragraph above, I am willing to give 110%. All I ask in return is your write-in vote.
The following are goals I had set for my campaign for the 1st quarter of 2009.
1. Averaging 250 unique hits per day on my blog. 2. 25,000 results when people search for “Ahmnodt Heare” on Google. 3. At least 10 blogs mentioning Ahmnodt Heare and the campaign. 4. An “Ahmnodt Girl” video. 5. At least one national television appearance (broadcast or cable)
The first goal is going along smoothly. Although the current average for 2009 is only 126, there have been a few days with over 250 hits. I can see this being a more common occurrence as the year goes by.
The second goal is interesting. It seems that Google has removed a bunch of search results. “Ahmnodt Heare” has 7,610 hits. It was over 15,000 the other day.
We are halfway towards the third goal. One problem I have discovered is that one website no longer exists.
Goal number 4 baffles me. This has always been a goal, but it seems that women don’t want the fame and admiration associated with being an “Ahmnodt Girl.”
The last goal is going to be a bit difficult. The media is still orgasmic with a Democrat in the White House. If either John McCain or I were to have won the election, the media would have been looking for the Democratic replacement on January 21.
I feel optimistic about reaching all the goals by the end of June. I may have to do the “Ahmnodt Girl” video myself.
I have many things going on today. The first is that I am honored to be recognized and endorsed by The New World Odor. (http://newworldodor.wordpress.com/2009/03/31/ahmn odt-heare-for-america/) This will no doubt be a tremendous boost to my campaign.
I am working on a different type of protest. It will be “Burn ‘Em in Effigy” day and I am hoping to have them take place on May Day (May 1). They can be held at many of the same places holding a Tea Party on April 15. By burning members of Washington and the CineMafia in effigy, we will send a strong message that we are not going to take it any more. Both have demonstrated the addiction of spending money and it must be stopped.
I will be releasing the stops on my upcoming Walk-a-Thon for Affordable Entertainment Awareness as well as campaigning along the way. If I am in your area and you would like me to speak at an event, please let me know.
Getting back to the tea party, Grandma Oudda is promising to make 6 dozen crumpets for the tea party. She is doing better since the mosh pit fiasco. Although she hasn’t gone bungee jumping yet, she is enjoying her new hobby: Street Luge.
I will be looking in further detail about the “Crap tax”. If I decide to go use the crap tax, I would abolish alcohol taxes, cut gas taxes in half, and do away with security fees for mules. (http://www.eveningsun.com/ci_11985250)
The price on a pack of cigarettes will go up $1.00 per pack in a couple weeks. The tax is supposedily going to go towards children’s health care programs. It will not raise much money with the smoking legislation the way it is because there are fewer places to smoke every year and more money to smoke. Here is how I would make sure enough money is generated for children’s health care:
* Reverse anti-smoking laws - Reversing anti-smoking laws will increase smoking, which will increase sales, which will increase tax revenues. * Combine cigarette taxes with a lottery - 50% of the cigarette taxes can go towards a “smokers’ lottery”. The lottery ticket can be on the aluminum foil on top of cigarette packs. The drawing can be on the National Smoke-ender’s Day. * Eliminate the minimum smoking age - This will allow children to help fund their own health care. Smoke breaks can replace recess.
I would rather see the punishment fit the crime. If we want to raise money for children’s health care, we should not generate it from sin taxes. This leaves a bad impression with children that sinning is OK. I would raise taxes on children’s goods.
Parents will feel better when they buy a toy that spoils their child. Part of the money they pay for spoiling their children would go towards their health care. Many people will quit smoking. Not too many people will pass up on a Dora the Explorer doll while their child is throwing a tantrum.
By taxing children’s stuff instead of adult stuff, there will be more money generated towards children’s health care. Children will feel like they’re part of the solution by nagging their parents to buy them toys until health care is paid for.
Some people might say I am setting my goals too high, but I’m not one of those people. I see a Congress that is more than willing to save big business from failing but does nothing for small businesses like the nudie bar down the street from me. I see a congress that wants America’s youth to volunteer while the only volunteering they have done is volunteer to give themselves raises.
I see a president who says he wants to help the average America, but has done nothing about the affordability of going to a movie. Movie prices have increased here recently as well as the price of refreshments. I see a president who says he wants to fight terrorism, but has done nothing to prevent the likes of William Shattner and Anne Murray from infiltrating our country.
I see a Democratic Party that complained about “trickle-down” economics, but gave trillions to failed businesses with none of that money trickling down. I see a Republican Party that claims to be fiscally conservative, but voted to fund a “bridge to nowhere” with a GOP Congress and President to a red state with Republican senators and a Republican governor.
This is why I am running for President as an Independent: Because I get it. I see that small businesses and families need help as big businesses and the Cinemafia. I see that prosperity cannot exist when money is taken from people trying to prosper to people who have prospered and blew the money. I see that people want their bridges want to go from somewhere to somewhere else.
I can’t do this alone. (Unless I took over via a coup d’ e’tat, which I can’t because government too too much tax money for me to fund that. Besides, somebody might get hurt.) I need your help and I will need your vote. Because somebody has to look out for the average American.
Independent candidate for President Ahmnodt Heare will dedicate an entire hour to taking calls from listeners on Wednesday March 25 at 10:00 Eastern / 9:00 Central. Call-in number (347)-945-7487 http://www.blogtalkradio.com/Ahm nodt-Heare/2009/03/26/Ahmnodt-Listening-to-You
For those who are new to my campaign, welcome! One of the issues I have been campaigning about is that entertainment is becoming cost prohibitive. My favorite target to date has been the Motion Picture Association of America (or “Cinemafia” as I call them.) Not only has the price of movies kept going up, but the price of going to a concert or a sporting event.
I am currently in Amsterdam studying prostitution in society. Prostitution is legal in Amsterdam and I wanted to see the various effects it has on a society where it is legal. My in-depth studying on prostitution stopped when I found out it was €200 ($272.92) for an hour with the prostitute I wanted to study. I ended up spending the night studying prostitution from afar from my hotel room window.
I had thought about asking for money from the people in the streets for money for my research. I concluded that a candidate for President of the United States should never ask for money, even if it is for a worthy study. I believe that dealing with prostitution requires a “hands-on” approach. From this moment on, I will be adding prostitution to the umbrella of entertainment that is no longer affordable.
I will be watching the early games of the NCAA Tournament before catching the 10:15 flight to Stockholm. At least watching the games online are still free.
NOTE: This entry was originally written this afternoon Eastern Time (Evening Europe Time)before leaving for Stockholm.
I am thankful for the United States Constitution. I know it is not a perfect document and it took almost 80 years from ratification to outlaw slavery. The fact remains that things could be a lot worse.
If we went with a constitution similar to England or Canada, it would have been a disaster. They both pick their leader from the "House of Commons." We have a similar institution with the House of Representatives. If we were to mimic Canada and England, then we would have a Prime Minister. If we had elections the same way they did, then Nancy Pelosi would be our Prime Minister.
If you see a founding father, thank him for our Constitution.
NOTE: This was originally published on March 7, 2008.
At 2:00 Sunday Morning, most Americans will set their clocks and watches ahead one hour. Arizona and Hawaii won’t get to participate, so they won’t lose the hour of sleep that the rest of us will. My idea for Daylight Saving Time is different. My plan calls for setting the clocks ahead five hours. Critics claim that it will be dark while we wake up, it would be light out when we left work and for the rest of the night. There would be no need for lamps after work. The only time lighting would be needed would be getting ready for work. Once I’d switch, I wouldn’t switch back. Few people can sleep 13 hours, so we’d all be waking up in the middle of the night.
The title of the blog is why Barack Obama was elected president. He is suave and debonair (according to the ladies, I wouldn’t know if a guy is suave or debonair). He has chosen several men to cabinet posts. The women, however, are “tapped.” And we know what tapped means.
It means the only way John McCain could be President was if he raided Bob Dole’s Viagra. That didn’t happen because Bob was tapping Lizzy in DC, which allowed Kay Hagan to become Senator in North Carolina because Elizabeth Dole was too busy being tapped.
If you have heard the term “tap dance”, that is the Washington code word for “orgy.” Tap dancing is always a craze after hours in our nation’s capitol. They screw each other when they’re not screwing the public. They can keep on screwing thanks to Pfizer.
Today it was Kansas Governor Kathleen Sebelius’s turn to be tapped. She was tapped to be Health and Human Services commissioner. Had she been a male, she would have been chosen.
This is one reason why I want to be president. I am still young (for a presidential candidate) and I will only be 39 years old when the next Presidential election occurs. Thank you for your support and please vote for me on November 6, 2012.
This should come as no surprise that I will not be watching the Oscars ceremony tomorrow night. This ceremony does nothing but celebrate cinemafiaism. The awards say, “Thank You” for putting out overpriced movies and underwhelming talent. As I have stated in the past, my two step plan ($1,000,000 movie production limit, $3 ticket price limit, and $3 soda/popcorn combo limit) is a win-win situation with more people going to the movies, which would generate to more profits for movie makers after they cut production costs.
Join me Sunday February 22 at 10:00PM Eastern / 7:00 Pacific on BlogTalk Radio instead of wasting a night watching the Oscars.
The Alternative to the Oscars Join Independent Candidate for President Ahmnodt Heare in not giving the Oscar ceremonies and the Cinemafia the time of day. He will offer alternative solutions that will make movies affordable.
Last month I had a poll asking whether I should still run as an Independent or if I should start my own party. The people have spoken: 50% of you say I should remain an Independent and 50% of you say I should start my own party. This means I get to break the tie. I decided to flip a coin. Heads would mean I would start a new party and tails would mean I remained an Independent. It came up heads.
I was mulling over the names I could use for the party. Here are a few of the names I rejected:
* The “Vanna White Party” - As wonderful an honor it is to serve as the Presidential candidate in the Vanna White Party, I am not too sure too many Americans would join a party with Her name. Plus there is the cost of changing all the stationery and signs one the unthinkable happens and we are no longer blessed with Her presence. “vannawhitememorialparty.org” is too long to type. * The “Toga Party” - While I want the party to capture the atmosphere of a toga party, I want the image of the party to be more than drunks wearing bedsheets. * The “Ahmnodt Heare Party” - While I would have no problem being in a party named after me, it would be too much pressure for candidates who would want to run as an Ahmnodt Heare Party candidate. People would expect the other candidates in the party to be as lovable as I am, and that would be too much of a burden for many people.
The name I have chosen for the party is the “Oudda-Heare” Party. It is named for two of the most influential people in my life, my mother and father. Ged Oudda and Robert Heare are responsible for making me who I am, and I blame thank them.
In the near future, I will have information on how to join the Oudda-Heare Party.
Although I am no longer an Independent, I will stay as an independent on u4prez. I understand that u4prez can't form a party for every party, so I will let it slide until April.
I hit a blogging milestone the other day with my 500th post. One of the first posts was about the goals of my campaign (March 2008):
1. Averaging 100 unique hits per day on this website. 2. 1000 results when people search for “Ahmnodt Heare” on Google. (we are currently at 391) 3. Enough write-in votes in upcoming primaries (Democratic and Republican). 4. At least 10 blogs mentioning Ahmnodt Heare and the campaign. 5. An “Ahmnodt Girl” video. 6. At least one national television appearance (broadcast or cable)
Goal 1 - Mission accomplished. I have averaged 136 hits per day in 2009. It would be much higher if my visits to the website counted.
Goal 2 - Mission accomplished. As of today, there are 6,860 results for Ahmnodt Heare. There are 7,860 results for Ahmnodt. The reason I use “Ahmnodt Heare” as the benchmark and not “Ahmnodt” is because I figure once people find out about my campaign, they will want to name their sons “Ahmnodt“.
Goal 3 - Oops... Many problems here. I never defined what “enough” is. I will define it now. It is defined as enough votes to win. Goal 4 - We’re getting there. I have decided that if you write a blog entry about the campaign, I will have a link to your blog.
Goal 5 - An “Ahmnodt Girl” video. I am totally baffled over the lack of enthusiasm over this endevaour. I thought I would be spending endless hours looking at videos trying to figure which one would be the best. That has not been the case.
Goal 6 - This has not happened and I am sad. However, I have been interviewed for a Pakistani website.
There is a lot that has to be done before this campaign can be considered successful. I am confident that if I am invited to debate in 2012, that people will see the light and the election will become winnable.
Today is Valentine’s Day. But it shouldn’t be today, it should be on Wednesday. You’re probably asking why Wednesday? Here’s why:
Although I no longer belong to the Vanna White supremacist movement, I will still be observing Her birthday ( February 18 ) as a religious holiday. As president, I would replace President’s Day with Vanna White Day. Isn’t it time we had a holiday honoring a woman? We have holidays for Martin Luther King, Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, and Dale Earnhardt (Alabama). It’s time we had a holiday for a woman!
Happy Valentine’s Day for those who can’t wait to the real Valentine’s Day, February 18.
NOTE: Special thanks to Debroah Elissmann for e-mailing President Obama and me for this idea.
Supporters have been bombarding President Obama with e-mails suggesting that I be the new Commerce Secretary. Some suggested my name without giving too many details about my plan to stimulate the economy. Debroah Ellismann (who wrote me on condition of anonymity) wrote a letter with some of the details of my plan.
Dear President Obama,
I don’t normally write letters to elected officials, but when I heard that Senator Gregg withdrew his name for consideration, I knew right away who the perfect replacement would be. His name is Ahmnodt Heare. Like you, he also ran for president in 2008. He didn’t fare as well. I think it was because he didn’t fully explain his economic policy until after the election.
Mr. Heare thinks outside of the box. Sometimes, he’s so far outside, he can’t even see the box. But once you hear his stimulus plan, I think you will agree that he would be the perfect candidate for the job.
A large portion of his plan involved bailing out companies that have already failed. He believes that reviving a company that has failed, the companies will have to hire people to maintain the business. By bringing back Dumont Television Network, there will have to be studios, actors for shows, news teams, and cleaning crews. This will create the most jobs because failed companies need people most in order to succeed.
I know you are a busy man and I wish you the best of luck regardless of whom you choose. Thank you for taking the time for reading this letter.
Sincerely,
Debroah Ellismann
I thank Debroah for her endorsement as well as all the other people who have written President Obama. I know my plan will work. Thank you all for your efforts.
I haven’t made myself clear about how I feel about Canadians. I like the people. Canadians are cool to have a beer and shoot the breeze with. I have confused people by wanting a war with Canada. It is not the Canadian citizens that made me want this war, it’s the Canadian government.
To prove this point, I have stated on several occasions that the war would only be fought on weekdays between 9AM and 5PM. There would be no fighting on weekends. I have also stated that no hockey rinks or Tim Horton’s are to be bombed for any reason.
The reason for the war is the actions taken by former Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau. He has systematically sent spies like Anne Murray and William Shattner into the United States under the guise as “entertainers.” This is not a knack against all Canadian entertainers. I like Rush and Barenaked Ladies. I liked John Candy and Rick Moranis is a good actor. It’s the likes of Shattner and Murray (and the spy Celine Dion, who was sent by Brian Mulrooney) that get me going. They have helped destroy America’s greatest export, our entertainment industry. American entertainment is now more expensive for less quality. it wouldn’t surprise me if the Cinemafia had Canadians in it, but I can not prove that at this time.
California recently was ordered to release over 10,000 prisoners because their prisons are overcrowded. Some say we should build more prisons while others say we should have fewer laws. I have a few additional suggestions:
1. Waist limit of 34 inches: By getting prisoners to lose weight and get slender, there will be more room to move around. Overweight prisoners will go to a boot camp to shed inches before being allowed to a regular prison. 2. Get rid of TVs and Weights: They simply take up too much room and do little to rehabilitate prisoners. 3. Bunk beds: Prison cells will be equipped with three-high bunk beds. This will create more room. 4. Replace toilets with urinals: This will save space. Prisoners’ diets will be liquid, so solid excretion will no longer be a problem. 5. Make prison life so miserable that they will never want to come back. This will stop the influx of repeat offenders.
With just a little ingenuity, prisons can be made less crowded without hitting taxpayers with the cost of extra prisons and overhauling the entire penal code.
Although I have been involved in marketing for a few years, I still make mistakes. I am fortunate that I have limited my marketing failures to myself and I have caused no damage to my clients. Below are a few of my marketing blunders:
* The Ahmnodt Heare Commemorative Two-Headed Coin: This was suggested by a female supporter who thought I was handsome. I took her idea and ran with it. Even she declined to buy a coin. * The Ahmnodt Heare Salt Shaker: Salt residue on top of the cap made it look like I had dandruff. This was a turn-off and people lost their appetites. * The Ahmnodt Heare Commemorative Inauguration DVD: (Narrated by Paul Reubens) This was an epic fail on all counts. Once it was determined that Barack Obama beat me in the election, Mr. Reubens decided not to narrate it. I ended up with an unmanned camera facing President Obama. The camera was knocked around and ended up facing a port-a-john. * The Ahmnodt Heare Coloring Book: I will never have coloring books printed in China again. Not only was my last name spelled wrong (Haere), but some of the pictures had a bulge in the pants and the coloring book became inappropriate for children.
There were other things that went wrong, but they were mostly minor. The Ahmnodt Heare wig was set to be a big seller until the Rod Blagojevich wig came out. That was more unforeseen timing than bad strategy.
I have learned a few things from my mistakes. The first is to find a coloring book artist who isn’t horny. I also learned not to set up marketing merchandise for an inauguration until I win the election.
I was watching former Senator Tom Daschle give a speech withdrawing his name for consideration for head of the Health and Human Services Department. While I was watching, I thought how Treasury Secretary Tim Geitner had similar problems with taxes. I thought deeper in the past and realized that Linda Chavez had similar problems when she was trying to be confirmed for a cabinet position in the Bush administration.
Here is my solution: Make politicians pay their fair share of taxes. When we are running deficits like we are, it is unfair for politicians to exploit loopholes in the tax system. This is especially true in the loopholes they forgot to write or forgot didn’t become law.
While I am on the subject of money, I predict that those who will benefit the most from the stimulus package will be the lobbyists. Maybe it is just coincidence, but they always seem to benefit the most. I would veto any bill where lobbyists would benefit while Americans get screwed if I was elected president.
Remember me in the day, months, and years ahead as I will give commentary on what is happening and how I would do things differently. I thank you for your continued support.
Israel and Palestine have been going at it since I was a kid. There have been moments of truces only to end up with both sides fighting again. My solution is two-fold: Bomb Israel, Gaza, and the West Bank with reefer bombs and to set up falafel and kabob stands near the bombed areas.
Marijuana puts the mind at ease. People aren’t in the mood to fight when they are stoned. Marijuana also causes the munchies. If America ran the falafel and kabob stands I mentioned earlier, then we will be able to pay for the reefer bombings without using taxpayers’ dollars.
A well-fed and stoned people is a happy and peaceful people. This will bring peace to the Middle East.
What are your predictions for 2009? I predict the following: 1)Ahmnodt Heare will be a household name in 2009. The campaign is starting to steamroll and I am averaging almost 100 hits a day on my blog. 2)Barack Obama will resign from the Presidency so he can join a singing group similar to "Boys to Men." 3)Perez Hilton will be named "Fashion Czar" and the government will tell us how to dress. 4)The Detroit Lions will win a game. Maybe 2. 5)Part of a bi-partisan health care bill will include a provision for people to sell organs to help pay for medical bills.
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